To begin with, I have been a douche myself to people, and have been on the receiving end towards the most part of my life. I like to think that I have a certain amount of expertise in this so called way of living. Yes lets put it that way. I've hung out with boys, men, uncles like forever. I have been surrounded by so many dicks, it surprises me that I'm still straight. But the company did lead to so much information and psycho analysis of the eternal douchebag. I'm disturbed by this because, there is always a point in ones life where you say I've had enough, even I want to be a douche. I'm sure of all the things I am and its certainly not any of things I am talking about here. Well just to be sure, I've tried being a douche to people and failed miserably, I enjoy being the omega or delta man in a group, of course enjoying the attention from time to time, but never would want the limelight.
Okay moving on, their most simplest and easiest traits to recognize are of a bully. Why are they a bully? It would be way to easy to say they pry on the weak just because they are dicks. Oh no! They are way more complex than that. Don't make the mistake of letting them know you understand them or you know them, because your mind will be blown when they go about doing retarded douchebaggery just to make you feel you don't understand them at all. You see they behave douchey for one of three reasons,
1. Underneath all that male bravado and superiority, there is an insecure little girl just banging on the closet door trying to get out. (Yes I am blogging from a secure location and I will not be subjected to douchebag assailants)
2. Their brains are under-developed, therefore unable to exercise self-control. So they act out aggressively in their own way, need not be physically at all times, every douchebag has his way. You just need to recognize it. It could be as blatant as physical violence or as insidious as manipulating friendships.
3. They have a small weener. Yes this is reason enough to act out the way they do to compromise for the size. An ego as large as the empire state building does make do for 3 inches of the retractable sexual organ they want to put to use at a moments notice.
Experiencing these at first hand has always been a treat and a source of unending entertainment. The world would not be complete without the existence of such mortals. Don't hate them, accept them. You never know when you have been a douche to someone and he/she probably thinks the same of you. I love how Kanye has brought back douchebaggery, but its not been a fun run on the receiving end of it all. All though i must say that being surrounded by such idiocracy since a very young age certainly has filled in a lot of hate towards them and I despise them with all of my heart, if any of it is left. I'm surprised that I had nothing more to say, and I should have included a picture hand-book with this post for the message to sink in for the real douchebags. Cheerios.
HumtY-
Okay moving on, their most simplest and easiest traits to recognize are of a bully. Why are they a bully? It would be way to easy to say they pry on the weak just because they are dicks. Oh no! They are way more complex than that. Don't make the mistake of letting them know you understand them or you know them, because your mind will be blown when they go about doing retarded douchebaggery just to make you feel you don't understand them at all. You see they behave douchey for one of three reasons,
1. Underneath all that male bravado and superiority, there is an insecure little girl just banging on the closet door trying to get out. (Yes I am blogging from a secure location and I will not be subjected to douchebag assailants)
2. Their brains are under-developed, therefore unable to exercise self-control. So they act out aggressively in their own way, need not be physically at all times, every douchebag has his way. You just need to recognize it. It could be as blatant as physical violence or as insidious as manipulating friendships.
3. They have a small weener. Yes this is reason enough to act out the way they do to compromise for the size. An ego as large as the empire state building does make do for 3 inches of the retractable sexual organ they want to put to use at a moments notice.
Experiencing these at first hand has always been a treat and a source of unending entertainment. The world would not be complete without the existence of such mortals. Don't hate them, accept them. You never know when you have been a douche to someone and he/she probably thinks the same of you. I love how Kanye has brought back douchebaggery, but its not been a fun run on the receiving end of it all. All though i must say that being surrounded by such idiocracy since a very young age certainly has filled in a lot of hate towards them and I despise them with all of my heart, if any of it is left. I'm surprised that I had nothing more to say, and I should have included a picture hand-book with this post for the message to sink in for the real douchebags. Cheerios.
HumtY-
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